Woman's Orgasm
A Guide To Female Sexual Satisfaction

Dr. Benjamin Graber - Playwright

In the past year Dr. Graber has been involved with a local playhouse and written some one act plays.

Here is one of his one act plays on Woman's Orgasm.

Characters:
WOMAN ONE: A woman-thirties-in a short night gown. She is an author.
JACK: A man in his thirties. He is naked.
VEE: The woman’s vagina.

Setting: Woman’s apartment- her bedroom with adjacent bathroom.

Scene One

(Couple in bed. Can be very simple set up.)

Man
Did you come?

WOMAN ONE
What?

JACK
Well, it didn’t seem like it.

WOMAN ONE
Are we going to do this again? Yes I came. It was great. 

JACK
Yeah.

WOMAN ONE
What does that mean?

JACK
Nothing.

WOMAN ONE
I gotta pee.

JACK
Whatever.

(WOMAN ONE gets up and goes toward bathroom)

Scene Two

( AU lifts up nighty and squats on toilet. Sound of peeing. She wipes.
Sound comes from bowel. Bit of an echo at first for effect but then normal sounding voice.)

VEE
We've got to talk

WOMAN ONE
(Looks around)
Excuse me?

VEE
No excuses, that's your problem. Lame excuses, little lies. I'm so sick of it that if I had a different set of organs attached to this mouth, I'd puke. But given the anatomical arrangement as it is, it would be a bloody mess, if you get the picture. Bloody mess, vomit blood. 

(WOMAN ONE finally looks down between her legs into the bowl.)

VEE (cont)
You’re not laughing. That was really pretty clever, even funny.

WOMAN ONE
(Talking to wall)
This is pretty strange. I could swear I got up to pee? But I must be asleep and dreaming.

VEE
It would be very creative...as a dream…but it is me and I’d like to talk.

(AU looks back down.)

WOMAN ONE 
This is too weird.

VEE 
It would be a lot more comfy if you’d flush.

WOMAN ONE 
But…

VEE 
Please?

(WOMAN ONE flushes…toilet flushing sound)

WOMAN ONE 
Okay…settle down now…that was a real flush. Okay girl…just get up and go in and with stud in there sleeping and you can…

VEE 
That was very good….but I’m still here…waiting to chat…girl to girl….sort of.

(WOMAN ONE almost jumps off toilet…but she recovers…feels stupid but talks down into toilet.)

WOMAN ONE 
Who are you?

VEE 
Well there would seem to be only two likely possibilities…and of the two….I think I am definitely the classiest….beats the hell out of the thought of talking out of your asshole.

WOMAN ONE 
This isn’t happening.

VEE 
Actually…it is…

WOMAN ONE 
You are my vagina?

VEE
Call me Vee.

WOMAN ONE 
This is wondrous strange.

VEE 
Oooo…..Hamlet always makes me quiver.

WOMAN ONE
You read Shakespeare?

VEE 
Yes…well...its complicated but we all do.

WOMAN ONE 
We?

VEE 
All your cells.

WOMAN ONE 
Really. 
VEE 
Actually more anti-realist…sort of symbolist…maybe absurdist.

WOMAN ONE
Hmm…like Albee….Sylvia...no….Sylvia didn’t talk…besides she gets killed…are you sure I am not talking in my sleep…..

VEE 
Nope.

WOMAN ONE
Well I guess … okay…I believe you began with saying we needed to talk. Was there something in particular you had on your mind, ahem, I mean, well you know?

VEE
‘Mind’ is okay. Works as well as anything. And yes, I was serious when I started about needing to talk

WOMAN ONE
. What did we need to talk about?

VEE
Coming.

WOMAN ONE
Where?

VEE
Getting off… Climax….Orgasm.

WOMAN ONE
Oh.

VEE
The Big O…exactly…and we/you/I ….you get the idea….we ain’t getting any. And it doesn’t help when you lie to these guys.

WOMAN ONE 
. But they, any of them, get so upset. It’s much easier to tell a small white lie

VEE 
Did it work tonight?

WOMAN ONE 
Maybe I did come.

VEE 
And I wouldn’t know?

WOMAN ONE 
Guess that was a bit lame. But … wait a second.

VEE
Yes?

WOMAN ONE 
You’re my vagina? Right?

VEE 
Yes…

WOMAN ONE 
Not to insult you…but I’m not a Freudian….I don’t believe in vaginal orgasms.

VEE 
Good…and partially true.

WOMAN ONE 
I’m listening.

VEE 
Well for example…you know how when you get hot…my pretty lips get all Angelajolied?

WOMAN ONE 
That was good…I like that…did I just think that up? 

VEE 
Well…sort of….we are one for all and all for one in this body/mind/soul/us trip…but can we stick with the biology lesson right now?

WOMAN ONE 
Sure. Okay…so when my…your….our lips get puffy….what about it?

VEE 
That’s the blood vessels associated with the clit….technically the bulbs.

WOMAN ONE 
Pretty…kind of floral sounding.

VEE 
Yeah….it is. Any way….

WOMAN ONE 
Come to think of it…pun unintended…last night…in the in the tub with the hand-held… 
you … quiver and contract… better even than with my vibrator. 

VEE 
That was pretty neat ….glad Shannon told you about.

WOMAN ONE 
You know Shannon? Oh yeah…never mind….we.

VEE 
There you go.

WOMAN ONE 
So…what do you want me to do?

VEE 
I want you to teach these guys how to get us off. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I want you to go in there and tell Jack that you didn’t cum.

WOMAN ONE
Then what?

VEE
Tell him you want him to go again…and this time you’ll help. 

WOMAN ONE
I will?

VEE
Yeah…you’re going to finger our clit. While you’re fucking…. you’ll like it.

WOMAN ONE
Oh well….okay….what do I have to lose…I’m already going nuts….talking to my puss…okay.
VEE
Atta girl.

(WOMAN ONE gets up…and goes back into bedroom.)

Scene Three

(JACK is still snoring.)

WOMAN ONE
Jack.

(JACK stirs.)
JACK
Eh? 

WOMAN ONE
I want to do it again.

JACK 
What?

WOMAN ONE 
Make love.

JACK 
Love? I’m outta here….just what I needed ….another clingy broad.

(WOMAN ONE just stares at him dumbfounded…he grabs clothes…dresses quickly…and leaves.
After door shuts ….WOMAN ONE looks down )

WOMAN ONE
Great….are you satisfied?

(Sound of pussy fart)

End of Scene Three