Dr. Graber - Alias Dr. Strawberry

My name is Doctor Strawberry. I first "appeared" in the 60's as a then quasi-underground hippie doctor who gave honest answers to SEX questions in street tabloid/undergound like newspapers in a column appropriately called Ask Dr. Strawberry. I have a medical degree (M.D.) from one of the best medical schools in the US. I have been hibernating at a university as a legitimate psychiatrist for the last 28 years but have been liberated to attend to your needs. The folks at womansorgasm.com contacted me and asked if I would be willing to answer questions on their site. They knew that when I was writing and talking on radio in the 60's in California, I often recommended Woman's Orgasm. I told them I would do it as long as I could re-emerge as Doctor Strawberry and remain anonymous. I would answer questions as education and information, not as clinical advice. The '60s were a rarefied atmosphere and a time not to be forgotten. Many who were not there think it was all free love, free drugs and rock and roll in the mud at rock festivals. Sure, it was all that, and Doctor Strawberry was there and didn't miss any of it. But from being there what I also know is that it was an unprecedented time of free speech and free thought. Those of you who think you still live in a totally free country have never lived in an atmosphere like back then. By the mid 70's most of the potency of the period had been co-opted and commercialized. Forgetting all the conspiracy theories and the like, although anyone from that time will assure you that a bit of paranoia is good mental health. What is clear that died with the death of flower power is the so-called sexual revolution. The sexual revolution really was indivisible from the women's movement and was women re-asserting their god given sexual rights. I was fortunate enough to know many of those women and today's feminists could not carry their sandals. It was in that atmosphere that I as a hippie doctor began to explore the depths of ignorance surrounding human sexuality and share my knowledge and information with the community. In those days, the word community meant something. Some of us, myself included lived in communes for a time. But you didn't have to live in a commune to be a part of the community. All you needed was an open mind and that's all you need to bring to this joint venture we are creating here at  www.womansorgasm.com.

Dr. Graber still answers questions from time to time as Dr. Strawberry. Here's some recent questions and answers.

Dear Dr. Strawberry,

I thank you for your reply. I will be patient and will spread the word of your site to my peers. These are my questions. I'm not sure if I left them on your site. 1. Do all women have orgasms given the proper stimulation. 2. Even if not, what is the best way to to give a girl an orgasm. I ask this because I have a girlfriend of nearly one year and am not sure if she enjoys sex as much as she could. I want her to be as happy with me as i am with her.
Respect for you,
JL 

JL that is the 64K question. It would seem the answer is yes but there are just too many women who have no apparent sexual hangup and yet claim no matter what that they cannot achieve an orgasm. I, Doctor Strawberry, not being a woman, cannot ever know for sure. What I can tell you is that if a woman cannot masturbate to orgasm it appears a lot less likely that see will have an orgasm with intercourse. And if a woman cannot have an masturbation orgasm with a vibrator then it is a lot less likely that she will achieve an orgasm by other techniques since the electrical power of that stimulation usually can take most women over the hump, so to speak. So short of buying the book the best I can do for now is give you the summary of the Advanced Masturbation Step from the book which gives instructions for masturbating with a vibrator. Good Luck and let me hear how it works or not. 

Step Five: Advanced Masturbation 

Slowly and gently begin caressing your outer genitals, using lubricant.: 
As you begin to stimulate the clitoris, develop a rhythm between the shaft and the glans, giving yourself always just enough glans stimulation to create increasing levels of sexual feeling. 

When the glands becomes too sensitive, reduce the amount and frequency of glans stimulation slightly, but continue to use the same technique and continue stimulating yourself. 

If you feel a flush of warmth and tingling, or automatic vaginal contractions or waves of feeling, continue the stimulation in exactly the same manner until your orgasm is completed. 

Don't try specifically to have an orgasm; instead, allow yourself to feel all the sensations in the process of reaching orgasm. Do this while alone in the house for twenty minutes four or five times a week. 


Dear Dr. Strawberry,

I am having a problem that is driving me nuts, my girl friend have a wonderful relationship, and our love making is incredible but the problem is that no matter how I try or what I do be it oral or intercourse I cannot get her to achieve orgasm she always gets right to the fringe but never makes it over the top,no matter how long we go. We have tried different positions, extended foreplay, and very lengthy sessions. She seems to always enjoy herself,but says she hasn't had an orgasm in several years, so can you help me. I can't be satisfied until I completely satisfy her.
Clarence

Hi, Clarence
The good news is the two of you are working together. You need to watch it though Clarence, because putting too much pressure on your girlfriend is counter-productive. You are clearly doing a lot of things right, especially being willing to take enough time. It takes most women at least 15-20 minutes to have an orgasm with a partner. You may have to write me again with more detailed information but from what I can tell now it looks like your girlfriend may need to help you help her. Since you have said your girlfriend has had an orgasm in the past then I am going to guess she has been able to have an orgasm with masturbation. I want you to try one of the exercises from Woman's Orgasm. This is Step 5 of the ten step program for achieving an orgasm with intercourse described in the book: 

Step Six 

After pleasuring, masturbate yourself (only with clitoral stimulation) in your usual manner with your partner present. 

As your orgasm begins, give a prearranged signal to your partner, at which time he takes over the stimulation of your clitoris with his hand, duplicating the kind of stroking you were doing as closely as possible. Do this up to three times in one session. 
Continue this each time you have love play until you can easily finish your orgasm with your partner manually stimulating your clitoris. 

From then on each time you have love play, gradually move the moment of bringing in your partner's stimulation of your clitoris further and further from the point of orgasm. 
Continue this practice each time you have love play, or two or three times a week, for as long as it takes to learn to respond orgasmically to manual stimulation by your partner.

What I just reprinted with permission above is a summary of Step 6.

Dear Dr. Strawberry,

Help! I have been married seven years and have never achieved orgasm either in intercourse or by my husband's stimulation. I was a virgin when I got married and also my husband has what I believe could be a problem that has also added to my inhibitions: he has difficulty ejaculating during intercourse. Our sex has come down to him attempting to have intercourse, thrusting for about a half hour. Then I got fed up and give him oral sex. I then stimulate myself on his leg (I seem to like a on top rub to achieve orgasm). I actually wouldn't even mind this if he hasn't commented that he thinks it's strange I can only achieve orgasm this way; that I don't "respond" to him. But he is very half-hearted in his stimulation and in intercourse likes to thrust in a very in-and-out way that comes nowhere near my clitoris. He also says my moving below him during intercourse is "hostile" counterproductive to what he's trying to do. "I feel like you're fighting me," he says. Hey, I'm just trying to get to stimulation points! Is is possible people are not physically compatible? My gynecologist also pointed out recently that I have one extra large labia (like, this is pointed out after years of going!?). Could this affect my ability to achieve orgasm easily? I'm really thinking of ending this marriage because maybe it would be better with someone else. As much as I love my husband in other ways, we seem to have no sexual compatibility...any help appreciated!
Judy 

Oh Judy!
It's because of people like you that I have decided to do Ask Doctor Strawberry again. How can there be so much misery about sex in a world filled with so much sex! The answer is that what is out there is bullshit and is sex used for selling anything. Your letter tears at me. One of the many things we have to apologize for from the '60s is the disastrous way we treated marriage. I should know..it took me 3 times to get it right! You left us all hanging with that last sentence Judy. Don't give up. You are having a lot of problems and I can't solve them all in one reply. But I can answer some of your questions and make some suggestions to get you on the right path. First, I agree with you about your gynecologist tardy and in my opinion misguided comments about your labia. Your extra large labia has as much to do with your ability to have sexual pleasure as an extra large ear. By NO means does it suggest you are physically incompatible. Your husband indeed does have a problem and so you are not the only person with a problem in the relationship. YOU HAVE TO WORK THROUGH THIS TOGETHER. In the age of AIDS can it be more obvious that a successful monogamous sexual relationship is a goal worthy of attainment? Where you need to start is with better communication..so he can learn your "stimulation points." I am going to reprint a summary of the communication exercise discussed in Step 1 of the the 10 step program for achieving orgasm with intercourse in Woman's Orgasmand you can find the full text of this step here.But you need to do all of the program together, not just the first step. You need to do it not only because its a good program, but in your case, you need to be working on this problem together in a sex positive way. Here's the summary: 

Step One Summary

Take a bath together and wash and dry each other all over. 
In another room, sit facing each other, without clothes and in comfortable positions. 

Take the other's hands in yours and, starting at the head and working downward, show him/her exactly where and how you like to be touched, using words to ex- plain clearly. 
Your partner should tell you that he/she understands, while at the same time demonstrating with his hands. 

As soon as you are both satisfied that he/she understands how you like to be touched in that area, switch roles-it's the other person's turn. 
Continue alternating back and forth until all non- genital areas of both your bodies have been touched. Then do the genitals and breasts. 

Take as small an area of the body each time as possible. The object of the exercise is for each of you to take active responsibility in discovering what you like, and to communicate that to your partner. 

Judy this exercise is called the Communication Exercise. It's not the only one in the world but it's the only one I have to give you now and I know that it has been used successfully in sex therapy with hundreds of couples. This type of approach seems like work but it can and should be done as fun. Sex is and can be fun. Don't get so serious that you miss the joy. The rest of the exercises in the book take you step by step to your goal of having an orgasm together. I think that Step 4 which guides you through masturbating together is another very important step for you and your husband. Please don't give up. You have love and with that you can do it. Please let us know how you are doing and by all means ask as many questions as you would like. 

Dear Dr. Strawberry,

Could you email me ideas of good ways to masturbate by myself? I usually hump my bedpost by hanging onto it and pulling myself up while I rub my vagina against it. It feels really good but I need new ideas. I have also tried fingering myself but I don't find it very pleasing. I would get a dildo but I am too embarrassed to order one. could you email me sites or tips on masturbating? something I can do in my own home without buying some sex toy? thank you and please help me out.
Leelu

Hello Leelu
I bring you help from your "sisters". Ah the beauty of the internet. While I could dryly tell you some different techniques I can instead quote you (with permission) from an interchange in a now inactive Excite community the was called About Female Orgasm. First a woman with the screen name "Unknown" wrote:

I got this technique from a man who was being a pig online.. he told this one lady to lay in the bathtub..or use a shower massager.... anyways.. I layed in the tub.. turned on the faucet. I layed on my back with my legs spread and positioned my genitals under the stream of water.. it was intense! 

Later in the discussion a woman with the screen name Girlie 1071, the administrator of the site wrote:

OH, MY GOSH! THE SHOWER JET MASSAGE THING IS THE BOMB! i bought one just for this type of thing and it's the best thing i've ever done! the first shower i took this weekend after buying it this past Saturday, i had to try this to see if what you guys were talking about was true. it takes 0 effort to get myself off, now! amazing. i also have to tell you guys that i've never had multiple orgasms before, but this time i had 2--which for me as SOME of you know, is a record--hence, this community! thanks, ladies, for helping me out, here! god bless you all!

So there you are Leelu. How's that for folks just helping folks.